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Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

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Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by GoldenSun13 on Tue Apr 12, 2011 3:15 pm

Hello wonderfully random people!
I posted this on my Fanfiction site a while ago and thought I'd post it here. It's actually the second chapter of a series of one-shots called "Natsuki's Dream Diary", but I thought the first chapter kinda doesn't hold a candle to this one.
Just in case you did not know: Leporiphobia is the fear of mutant rabbits; Usagi is Bunny in Japanese; Neko is cat in Japanese.

My ff.net page: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2618787/GoldenSun13
My deviantart page: http://wuzzupy13.deviantart.com/

On with the show! :clown:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Last night, I had the strangest dream...” Started Natsuki.

Yes. It was another Saturday night in the Kuga-Minagi-Tokiha residence.

“Oh! Do tell!” Mai whipped out a bowl of pop-corn.

“I was in this Mansion and you were there and we were talking...”

*Insert weird dream effect*

“I can’t take it any more Mai!” Exclaimed Natsuki Wayne. “Ever since my mother was taken away from me by that joker, Nagi, all I’ve been able to think about is my revenge and how I can prevent people from feeling the way I do.”

Mai Pennyworth watched as her friend and Mistress of the house paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. The whole room was dark, except for the flicker of the flames and the occasional flash of lightening outside. The only sounds were Natsuki’s pacing and the rhythm of the fast falling rain hitting the windows of the library. Thanks to the flickering light, the worry lines marring Mistress Wayne’s face could be viewed by Mai in stark detail.
“What is you plan Ma’am?” Mai asked finally.

“You know me so well, old friend.” Natsuki stopped her pacing to view Mai’s profile. “I plan to fight fire with fire, so to speak.”

“You mean to tell me that you are planning on going rogue Ma’am?” Mai was a tad alarmed. She knew that the death of Saeko Wayne would change Natsuki’s perspective on life, but she never would have guessed that the woman standing in front of her nao would resort to such extremes.

“I guess, you could put it that way Pennyworth. Personally, I see it more as fighting crime without the help, or should I say, hindrance, of the law.”

Mai forehead creased as she tried to come to terms with what Natsuki was saying, “So... you’re thinking of becoming a masked hero of some sort then?”

“Yes.” The darker haired woman continued her pacing.

“And what would your masked persona be?” Mai asked, humouring her companion.

“I don’t know; I hadn’t thought of that yet.” Natsuki paused, humming in thought. A flash of lightening caused her pacing to commence. "Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot," She remarked, "So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible..." As if responding to her desires, a black creature hopped into the room, inspiring her to become...

"Usagi-chan?!" Tokiha Mai burst out laughing.

"It's not my fault!" Pouted Natsuki, "Mikoto was going on and on about rabbits and her fear of them last night. Anywho...”

Usagi-chan’s rabbit hole was hidden beneath the mansion and could be accessed via a secret switch hidden on one of the many willow trees. Once her persona was created, Natsuki created and built many a gadget to aid her fight for justice. One of these gadgets happened to be the very vehicle she was currently driving around Fuuka City; The Bunny-Mobile. Everything seemed to be in order until “*static* Usagi... can you hear me?” crackled the radio.

“Loud and clear Mai. What’s the sitch?” Natsuki replied [“Isn’t that another crime fighter’s catchphrase” Tokiha Mai was quickly silenced with a glare]

“Just North of where you are at Fuuka Bank. There appears to be a break in. Looks like the bank robbers got bored of daylight robbery and hostages.”

“Okay, I’m on my way.” Flooring the acceleration, Usagi-chan sped off to her destination, nearly running over a tortoise in the process.

Once our brave hero reached Fuuka Bank, she hopped out of her Bunny-Mobile (which is equipped with bullet proof, cotton tail) and jumped to the top of the building. From the one of the roofs many sky-lights, she could see the silhouette of a figure drilling into the banks vault. Using her rabbit teeth (detachable rectangles of diamond), Usagi-chan cut a circle out of the sky-lights glass and jumped through.

“Hold it right there Neko Woman!” Natsuki declared proudly; fists on hips and back ramrod straight.

With a flick of her tail, Neko Woman spun round, claws bared. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t cut you where you st... Holy Moly! You’re Usagi-chan!” With a hiss, Neko Woman jumped high and stuck to the ceiling with her claws.

“Yes, it is I!” Natsuki confirmed, throwing a rabbit head shaped throwing star at her opponent, causing Neko to fall and land on her feet.

“All I wanted was money for some ramen!” Cried Neko Woman as she ran away, her tail between her legs.

“Looks like another victory for justice!” With that, Natsuki hopped back into her Bunny-Mobile and drove home.

“Mikoto was your nemesis?” Asked Tokiha Mai. “Well I guess it fits.” She concluded, thinking back on when she first met her two best friends.

“After that I woke up to grab a glass of water. When I returned to bed...”

“Ara, if it isn’t Natsuki Wayne.” Declared a Kyoto voice in faux shock.
“Hello to you to Ms. Fairchild.” Replied Natsuki, trying in vain to ignore the plunging V of the newcomers black dress. Baka! Look at her eyes! “Or can I call you Shizuru?”

“You can call me anything you want sugar.” Purred Shizuru. “Excuse me, I can see Reito Al Ghul beckoning me over.” Natsuki watched her saunter off, finding the sway of her hips more alluring than her cleavage.

“Is there something you’re not telling me Natsuki-chan?” Snickered Mai.

“What! NO!” Blushed Natsuki, “It was a dream... continuing with said dream.”

The party hosted by Fuuka’s latest and greatest Metropolitans was in full swing. All the guests were wearing the newest brand names and champagne was being poured like rain from a cloud. All was going swimmingly until with a CRASH, part of the ceiling collapsed. Manic laughter could be heard through the dust and debris. “How rude of me,” Said the silhouette behind the smoke, “I appear to be gate crashing. Oh well.”

“Nagi.” Growled Natsuki. To the rabbit hole! In the space of a nano second, Natsuki rushed to her lair, changed into Usagi-chan, nearly ran over the same tortoise (“Crazy whipper snappers!” *Shakes fist*) and returned to the crashed party.

“Hold it right there... Nagi!” Fists on hips, back straight, chest out... Ears up, tail out, carrot eaten.

“If it isn’t Usagi-chan!” Laughed Nagi, “Glad to know I’m not the only one who came uninvited.”

“Leave nao or face the consequences!” Usagi demanded.

“Bite me Bugs!” taunted Nagi. With a vein bulging on her temple, Usagi-chan lunged for the green haired joker, who jumped away in the nick of time. “What’s up Doc?” He smacked Natsuki on the back of the head with a pillow, “No pancakes for you if you don’t wake up!”

“Huh?!” Natsuki, momenterally confused by the last comment did not see the next pillow coming. It pushed her backwards with such a force that it caused her to smash through a window and fall with a THUMP!

“And that’s when I woke up.”

“So that’s why when you fell out of bed , you started mumbling about you’re cotton tail not cushioning the fall!” Laughed Mai, her bowl of pop-corn nao empty.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” Natsuki stood up gingerly, rubbing her bottom. “Next time you wake me up with pillows, just make sure I’m not dreaming about your demise.”

Mai only laughed harder.

GoldenSun13
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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by Luu Sky Sapphire on Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:42 pm

Just so you know, I haven't read the first chapter yet. This little chapter on the other hand, had me laughing a lot. XD The Batman inspired dream is brilliant! Nice introduction to our Mai-Fanworks forum, Sunny! ;p Keep it up!

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When Shizuru said "Ara" for the first time, the "Ara" broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies.

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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by GoldenSun13 on Wed Apr 13, 2011 1:38 pm

:) Thanks Luu.
I'm currently trying to right a Hitman (the movie) themed one... I'm thinking Shizuru would be the Hitman and Natsuki the hooker. Razz

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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by zanekal1 on Wed Apr 13, 2011 7:44 pm

Batsuki LOL this is awesome gay unicorn

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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by Luu Sky Sapphire on Wed Apr 13, 2011 7:44 pm

GoldenSun13 wrote::) Thanks Luu.
I'm currently trying to right a Hitman (the movie) themed one... I'm thinking Shizuru would be the Hitman and Natsuki the hooker. Razz

Nice! I haven't played the Hitman games in ages and conveniently for your next chapter, I've recently seen the film. Just imagining Natsuki as Olga Kurylenko's character is driving me insane with the passions of youth. kawaiidesuplz

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Mai-X-Project

The law of physics: Whenever there's this much gay in one room, Shizuru manifests!
When Shizuru said "Ara" for the first time, the "Ara" broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies.

Luu Sky Sapphire
Administrator. The Showstopper. The Headliner. The Main Event. The Icon. Mr. Mai-Series.
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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by GoldenSun13 on Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:06 am

mmm... Natsuki as a hot Russian lady. I think we've already seen that in Mai Otome though :lol:

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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by Luu Sky Sapphire on Thu Apr 28, 2011 1:11 pm

GoldenSun13 wrote:mmm... Natsuki as a hot Russian lady. I think we've already seen that in Mai Otome though :lol:

(( XD You don't mean this do you...





...should I rise for the Russia National Anthem nao? I'd hate to anger the Gakuenchou. ;p ))

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Mai-X-Project

The law of physics: Whenever there's this much gay in one room, Shizuru manifests!
When Shizuru said "Ara" for the first time, the "Ara" broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies.

Luu Sky Sapphire
Administrator. The Showstopper. The Headliner. The Main Event. The Icon. Mr. Mai-Series.
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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

Post by GoldenSun13 on Tue May 03, 2011 10:16 am

Hehe, nao if only I knew the Russian national anthem....
I thought I might post the first chapter and see what people over here think of it. It's a play on Nao's name and hopefully somepeople will get it. Or maybe I'm a bit too much of a musical geek :)
ff.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6771068/1/bNatsuki_bs_bDream_b_bDiary_b
My ff.net Account: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2618787/GoldenSun13


Mai Fairlady

It was a typical Saturday night in the dorm room of Tokiha, Minagi and Kuga. Both Mai and Natsuki were watching a movie waiting for Mikoto and her bodyguard, Nao (“Is this really necessary Tokiha?” “Yes Nao. Apart from being an excellent way for you two to bond, it also stops Mikoto from doing something silly”) to come back from visiting Reito. The movie must have been very boring because sooner or later, Natsuki’s mind seemed to drift off and begin thinking about lasts night’s dream.


“You know how Midori was on about getting us to sing the theme tune to this anime she’s writing about us?” Natsuki started.


Mai turned to her friend, thankful for the distraction from what could possibly be the worst movie ever recorded. “Yeah. I think we should stop allowing her to drink on Karaoke night.”


“I think we should stop letting her drink, period. Anywho, my sub-conscience must have picked her drunken ramblings up and mixed them with the musicals Shizuru makes me watch, because last night –“


“Here we go...” Mai said with a smile on her face, turning her body fully nao to give her full attention to Natsuki.


“I had a dream...” Ever since Natsuki began talking to Mai, a topic that began to re-surface ever nao and again was Natsuki’s strange dreams involving the Hime and their friends. Hence Mai’s unadulterated attention; she knew this was going to be a good one. “Basically, we were on this farm. Everyone was there. You were an exotic bird of some sort, I was a wolf, Shizuru was a snake and so on.”


“I guess it was a zoo then... I very strange zoo.”

“Yeah. So we were all there and Midori – “
“The tiger?”
“Yes, Midori the tiger,” Natsuki paused to snigger, “She was getting us to sing this song.”
“What was it?”
“I can’t really remember. Something between Sailor Moon and Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers”

“Urgh! That is so Midori.”

“I know! So there we were, over enunciating our vOwEls,” Natsuki’s attempt at enunciation caused them both to fall into a fit of giggles, “Suddenly, the question ‘Where’s Nao?’, pops into my head.”

“Well, if we’re all the same size as our animals, you might not have been able to see her as a spider.” Mai hypothesised.

“I suppose that’s what my rational mind might have thought, but in my... dream addled state, she appears as...” At this point, Natuski’s giggles were so hard, they stopped her from continuing her sentence.

“As what Natsuki!?” Said Mai, desperate for the punch line.

“A COW!”

“Ehhhh?!”

“She appeared as a cow. She had brown hair with a red mane type thing, a swishy tale and a cow bell!”

“Your sub-conscience really does not like Nao!” At that, they both completely dissolved into laughter. That is how Nao and Mikoto found them as they walked through the door; laughing hard enough for tears and clutching their sides in pain.

“What the hell’s up with you two?” Nao tried to ask nonchalantly, though it was quite obvious that her curiosity was piqued.

“Oh nothing Nao...” Saying her name caused Mai to start laughing all over again.

Wishing Shizuru was here so she’d have someone else, other than Mai, understand what she was about to say, Natsuki asked, “We just wanted to know how you’ve been doing.”

“What?” Nao knew she wasn’t in on a joke, and it annoyed her more than anything.

“How Nao Brown Cow?” Natsuki ‘reiterated’

The vein on Nao’s forehead was nao visibly bulging.

Calming down from her new wave of hysteria and knowing what musical Natsuki had just quoted from, Mai stated, “I don’t think she’s got it!” Both she and Natsuki immediately turned into blobs of giggles as Nao stormed out of the apartment. “We probably shouldn’t have teased her like that.” Said Mai through her subsiding giggles.

“I don’t know about you, but I could have laughed all night.”

“Enough with the not quite quotes already!”

Mikoto, completely unaware of what was going on, went to the kitchen with a shrug of her shoulders, softly mumbling a tune that had gotten stuck in her head a couple of days ago when Shizuru had come round with one of her musicals. “All I want is a room somewhere... Lots of chocolates for me to eat...” The sound of a stomach rumbling was heard before, “Mai! I’m Hungry.”

GoldenSun13
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Re: Holy Leporiphobia Nat-chan! (Humour Fic)

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